Do you wonder where your time together as a couple has gone? I speak with clients daily who are struggling to connect with their partners, due to their busy lives and most commonly, the work that is required to get their little one to sleep!
Remember the evenings you used to spend with a glass of wine, a nice dinner, relaxing on the couch? Seem like a lifetime ago?
It’s not all lost! My clients who have successfully sleep trained their children or babies, are still enjoying those kinds of evenings. I know it may seem like a lifetime ago but you can rekindle the flame!
Remembering Your Life As A Couple
Dads often confide in me that they feel “forgotten” when baby comes along or they will say they have been delegated to the basement of spare bedroom because Mom is sleeping in the master bedroom with the baby.
Dads can often feel neglected and cast aside. I’ve seen it many times. It’s very important that your relationship with your partner is nurtured, just as much as your relationship with your baby.
Here are some tips on finding some time together, even while enjoying the hectic life that is “the new family””:
- Schedule a weekly “date night” (and if your baby is not sleeping, it’s time to take care of that!) Parents who have done sleep training successfully always email me and tell me they don’t know what to do with all their free time! If your child is not yet sleeping from early in the evening, perhaps you can ask Grandma or someone you trust to come over and be with baby while you go out and enjoy some couple time.
- Coffee together before he leaves for work! Yes, even just a quiet cup of Joe over the kitchen table can be special in the mornings. Make the time to put baby down and just sit and talk. Hold hands! Look into his eyes! Put the cell phone down and truly focus on each other.
- Make time each day to cuddle! Yes, even a lingering hug or kiss before he goes to work, or after he comes in the door at night, can be meaningful. If your baby starts to fuss or cry during that time, don’t be in an urgent rush to go to him. Don’t worry! Crying for a few minutes is not the end of the world and Dad will appreciate Mom taking that extra few minutes “just for him”.
- Allow Dad to be involved in parenting! Many Moms are very reluctant to give over control of the parenting to Dad! If Dad is unsure on how to deal with something, help him to learn how to do it and allow him the room to parent or (even better) just let him do “it” his way! Whatever that is! For example, if he wants to dress baby in a certain outfit but it’s not your favourite, what does it matter? Or, perhaps he wants to change a diaper sooner than necessary? It’s not the end of the world. Enjoy that fact that you have a husband that wants to be part of things. Take time off for yourself, leave baby with Dad and head for the soaker tub or simply to enjoy a long shower! Your baby is safe with his Daddy and will be ok!
Remember – Your partner is just that – your partner – and it’s important to remember that he should be as involved as possible in caring for your child. Asking for help with baby is important! Don’t try to be Supermom! (I tried this myself and it really doesn’t work!). Don’t try to be “all